Ilusyon

Kung hindi na kapaki-pakinabang, tapusin mo na.
Ang pagmamahal ay isang napakomplikadong ilusyon na humahalo sa emosyon.

Isipin mo ng mabuti, nagiging kompleto ka ba sa pagmamahal na sinasabi niya?

Nabubuo ba ang pakiramdam mo dahil sa pagmamahal niya?

O nasisira ka ba dahil pilit mong iwinawaksi na naghangad ka sa simula pa lang ng "mas" pa sa kaya niyang ibigay na hindi mo dapat hinangad. At dahil kulang ang kanyang naibibigay at hindi niya kayang punan ang kulang sa iyong buhay ay nagpakasira hindi sa paraan ng naiisip mo kindi sa paraan na alam ko.

"SHUT DOWN THE WORLD"

Hindi mo mahahanap ang hinahanap mo dahil ang hinahanap mo ay nasa harap mo na mismo.
Matagal kang naghintay sa kasagutang nasagot mo na.

Hinding-hindi ka na mabubuo dahil simula pa lang, wasak ka na.
Hindi ka na buo.
At kahit maghangad ka man ng maghangad sa sinumang bubuo saiyo, wala kang mapapala.

Tanggapin mo muna na walang-wala ka at unti-unti magiging maayos din ang lahat.
huwag kang maghangad ng anuman sa kapwa mo.

What do you do when you're frustrated about everything?

I asked JayVee last night, and he told me that he simply:
1. Sleep and then get over it after. Eventually, sleep will take it away.
2. Eat and eat.
3. Stay away and do not talk to anyone.


I think we're just the same, because what I did was, I ate "junk food", and then I slept and then stayed away from all of them.

I just couldn't understand why some people were so mad and so irresponsible regardless on what title they were carrying.

I just can't take it.

Almost there...

Dear Someone,
If you're out there please read this.
I am almost there...
I feel so alone and worried and lost and lonely...
All I am asking now is the courage to continue and maybe, just maybe, someone whom I can lean on. Or at least someone whom I can talk to.
I am already tired of talking to myself.
I'm having a real hard time again and I dunno want I should do to take away the pain and to not to think about it.

I wish there's someone out there for me...


:(

Labyrinth

Sometimes, I am afraid of my own self. I know I can do a lot of things. Small or big things. Remarkable or not.
 I've known way back then that I am stronger than I look. Since then, I became afraid of myself because I am capable of a lot of things.

Afraid that in my state, I can hurt people that I love the most because I can bear things more than that a normal person can bear.

• Sometimes, knowing that I am strong and capable, I am afraid that in the future, I will be on my own.

• Sometimes I am afraid that I can't interpret my own mode of thinking, the way I accept things as they are, the way I easily move on and the way I forgot things that are not worth remembering.
• 
  

My own self destruction is my own sole problem.

Cousin and I--- Twofie

If there is a version of single picture(which is the SELFIE), well, we also have our own version. And we call it "TWOFIE"

Me and my favorite cousin.

Our collage picture below was taken on August 10, 2014 inside their house. So there.

A very good bonding moment.

I couldn't go wrong

Time flies stupidly and furiously fast and all I could do is to stare the nothingness and proceed with my life.
I've been stuck in here. In this place where I cannot go out because I am stuck. I want to be successful and I am waiting and praying for the right time. The right time to spread my wings widely and freely.

I don't wanna be a failure and I don't wanna go back in my past.

As much as possible I wanna remain here and to look forward to my future.
 I will keep on waiting. Waiting for everything.

I will make myself feel happy about everything.

Naalala ko lang ng tanungin nya ako kung "heto na ba ang gusto ko sa buhay?" "kung heto na ba ang pangarap ko talaga sa buhay?"

I knew that he knew just by the sight of me na "hindi" and sagot ko.
I love doing the things I love to do.

Of course hindi pa ito ang gusto ko sa buhay ko.
Gusto kong marating at makamit ang mga pangarap ko.

For now, maghihintay muna ako at magtitiis. Patatapusin ko lang ang kapatid ko sa pag-aaral and then I will fly away. I will gonna start making my name. I will gonna start building my dreams.

Mahirap ang mag-isa, pero God knows everything.

People change constantly. Lahat nagbabago.
Komplikado ang buhay.
Hindi lahat ng gusto mo nakukuha mo sa isang iglap.
Hindi lahat ng taong maayos at maganda ang pinapakita sayo sa una, ay ganoon pa rin sila sa iyo habang buhay.
Not unless kung tunay mo silang kaibigan
Pero maging kaibigan, katuwang sa buhay, bestfriend, boyfriend, kapatid, magulang, atbp.lahat....lahat lahat nagbabago yan.
Mararamdaman mo yang paunti-unting pagbabago. Na sa simula ay 'feeling heaven' pa, pero pag nagtagal, wala na. The spark is slowly fading away.
At yun ang kinakatakutan ko.
That is why I don't usually gain many friends, I don't usually talk many things about me, I don't usually involve myself in to people around me because I am afraid sa katotohanan.
Hindi ko kasi matake yung katotohanan na ganito...
"Di ba nagsimula naman lahat sa una na masaya, maligaya,maayos at alam mo yun fruitful and awesome, and then people tend to get used to the idea and to the companionship and then boom!!! Lahat nagbago na. Yung dating masaya, naging normal na, yung dating epic naging normal na, yung naging sweet naging mapait na, yung dating punong-puno ng pagmamahalan, bigla na lang nawala,natigil..."

Hindi ko yun maintindihan.
Hanggang ngayon!!!!

Hindi ba pwedeng magbago ka para sa ikakaganda ng lahat? Yun bang you change for the better pero yung pagkatao mong maganda, yung samahan, yung ugali mong maganda ay hindi magbago.

Pakiramdam ko, yung relasyong ganoon, it only exist sa Friendship thing.
Haayyyy!!!! Kagulo. Kalungkot.
Morbid masyado.

 I DO NOT HATE CHANGES, I JUST DON'T GET IT WHY PEOPLE CHANGE FOR THE BETTER BUT THINGS TURNED OUT THE WORST.

Dear Diary Friend,

It's the 5th day of this month and it's my mother's birthday today.
She's already 50 years old and I really hope that she is celebrating her birthday up there.
Been almost 5 years since she passed away, but again, memories of her will always remain in my heart.
I always miss her. And I am so thankful that I learned to get used to the pain inside.
And I am so thankful that for the 16years of my life, I had given the chance to feel the love of my mother and that how great it is having the best mother in the whole world. Yes, I may not had the chance to be with her as for today, but again like what I've said, I am still thankful to God for giving me the chance to have a mother and to feel her love for the 16 years of my life and I knew that love will remain even for the test of time. Even death cannot take it away from me. Because I believe that love, no matter how far away you are from your loveones, and even death took them away from you, still, your love for them will be there.
That's one of the greatest part and definition of love for me. "YOU CAN STILL LOVE SOMEONE EVEN IF THEY WERE GONE."

I've been through a lot and I became a lot of person for myself. I aim to succeed in my life and my mother is my greatest inspiration. I love to please my mother. And I am doing my best to please her, because I knew, she wants the best for me and for my brother.

To be honest, I don't actually know what should I feel this time, because again i feel so neutral. Part of me is happy, part of me is sad, part of me feels alone, and part of me feels whole.

I love you nanay and I hope you're celebrating there and I hope you're happy.

I will try my best to be good and contented here.

Thank you for pushing me through the test of time, for the prayers you uttered there, for the memories you shared with us when you're still alive, for wiping my tears when I cry, for letting me have the full strength to continue living and for teaching me how to live like what I should be.

x