The good thing though...

The good thing that silence and constantly talking to yourself is nothing but an empty shell of peace and freedom.

Peace from all your misery and I do believe that aside from the enemy outside you should beat yourself first before moving on. That way you can gain full control of yourself. Being not affected and influenced by the outer force, their beliefs and practices.

Freedom from all they hold against your integrity and moral values.

How I might suppose to tell them what had happened to my life and to myself?

How I might suppose to tell them that aside from my physical misery, I also have this emotional fight I have to win before it will completely consume the best of me.

How I might suppose to tell them that I am almost losing, but for the sake of the few who keeps on believing in what I can do I keep on fighting?

How I might suppose to tell them that fear is eating me up? The fear of everything that I might lost and lost further. I am so afraid that all of them will be gone and will never come back.

I have had enough of losing.

How I might suppose to tell them that what I am doing right now is my only way of avoiding hurt and pain? I fear a lot today.

I am creating things that really hurt me so bad  that when the time come of retaliation, just before He will take away someone away from me again, I will not get hurt so bad.

Why I am talking like this? Because it gives me therapy.

It helps me a little to relieve the pain inside. It is better this way than not talking at all because it gives me the chills and creepy feelings of being like a crazy bitch.

Papal Visit PH: Currently in Tacloban, tomorrow will be in Luneta

Currently, I am listening to my officemate's radio tuning to the ongoing mass celebration in Tacloban headed by the beloved Pope Francis.

I am kinda aware of everything starting from day one upon the arrival of the Pope until now.

The constant radio tuning of everybody or the t.v. marathon, all for the sake of the Papal visit.

I can feel the D O P E excitement of everybody.

Yesterday, I was a bit of a teary-eyed-overwhelmed-shocked-girl who watched how the sea of people waited patiently for the coming of the Pope and really I was so dumbstruck for the fact that I did not expect that there are a lot of believers out there and still faithful as ever.


It left me wondering: "How would it be like when God himself walks out of a plane or just simply descend on earth? Just imagine how crowded will it be. People shouting, crying, laughing and praying..."

It has put me in a sink hole and I couldn't help not to shed some tears, just out of no where it poured.

Maybe because of the fact that the Pope loves the people and how the people loves him so much.

Whatever the reasons, I am happy that people of the PH have been united again as one team.

REST DAY FOR THREE DAYS!

Yeah!
Believe it or not, we will going to have a 3 day rest day( NCR-National Capital Region, only) all because of the Papal Visit here in the Philippines.

I don't know if this is good for me because I have a lot of things to do and deadlines to finish with.

I don't want to be stagnant this time.

I want to do a lot of things because it helps a lot to let myself be preoccupied until I couldn't think of anything else other than working.

You know that feeling of getting used to something you're not used to before?

Like living your life everyday trying to avoid thinking of someone you used to be thinking every hour of your everyday?

That is how I feel everyday starting when the day we broke up.

Yeah, I think we did already, and it is kinda hard to let it sink deeper in my head.

Ahahaha!!!

Been trying real hard to let myself live normal.

I don't have a normal life since 16, tho.

I just couldn't take it when no one really understands me aside from me, myself and I.

But surely,though, there's somebody who can relate to my complicated story.

All alone big time! Even if I surround myself with my friends and relatives.

This is beyond sick!

(I'LL JUST KEEP IT TO MYSELF, hahaha)

Ilusyon

Kung hindi na kapaki-pakinabang, tapusin mo na.
Ang pagmamahal ay isang napakomplikadong ilusyon na humahalo sa emosyon.

Isipin mo ng mabuti, nagiging kompleto ka ba sa pagmamahal na sinasabi niya?

Nabubuo ba ang pakiramdam mo dahil sa pagmamahal niya?

O nasisira ka ba dahil pilit mong iwinawaksi na naghangad ka sa simula pa lang ng "mas" pa sa kaya niyang ibigay na hindi mo dapat hinangad. At dahil kulang ang kanyang naibibigay at hindi niya kayang punan ang kulang sa iyong buhay ay nagpakasira hindi sa paraan ng naiisip mo kindi sa paraan na alam ko.

"SHUT DOWN THE WORLD"

Hindi mo mahahanap ang hinahanap mo dahil ang hinahanap mo ay nasa harap mo na mismo.
Matagal kang naghintay sa kasagutang nasagot mo na.

Hinding-hindi ka na mabubuo dahil simula pa lang, wasak ka na.
Hindi ka na buo.
At kahit maghangad ka man ng maghangad sa sinumang bubuo saiyo, wala kang mapapala.

Tanggapin mo muna na walang-wala ka at unti-unti magiging maayos din ang lahat.
huwag kang maghangad ng anuman sa kapwa mo.